It is what it is

This is what it feels like summarised in 3 words: Foolish, Lonely & Broken.

The foolish pursuit of liking another, only to hope the feelings are reciprocated. And so you convince yourself that perhaps in time, all in good time, it'll come together and they'll finally realise what a great person you really are.

Then reality hits. It is it not so. You wake up yearning, longing, wanting only to be with them...lonely. Knowing all the wasted time, efforts and emotions were all for your fantasy, for nothing.

Disconnected and in pieces, broken and torn. How does one move on from this.
All in good time you're told again, and so in good time it will have to be.

Let go of what it's not, and
Hope, begin to hold on,
Faith, you are worthy of another,
Believe that there is more,
Forget what holds you back and
Prepare to feel again.

Easy

It's easy to forget, to fill up the emptiness with time forgotten.
Easy to stop feeling what could be, what may be.

:(

I want to stop feeling like this.
How can it hurt so much?
I want to start all over, I want to be right this time round.
I need to let it all go and move away from this suffocation.

...the question is, how.

I won't be lost, I won't be down~

...And I'm a little bit lost without you
And I'm a bloody big mess inside
And I'm a little bit lost without you
This aint a love song this is goodbye (oooooh)
This aint a love song this is goodbye (ooooh)...

Hoping

How can I be so torn, when the feeling is oh-so-right?

If only you knew...

To ♥

I forget what it's like to love.

And so I listen to old love songs to remind me...and I cry.

B.O.R.E.D

I am EXTREMELY bored.

To the point of almost exhaustion. I need intellectual stimulation ASAP.

And so I sit here in between projects, a lil depressed of my lacky contribution to the workforce and having to think of mind-numbing activities to keep me preoccupied. Surely there are better ways to consume one's time? Sleep for instance, or perhaps indulge myself with a feel good movie.

I dunno - I guess it's only temporary for the time being until things pick up.

On the plus side, I've spent my time researching in possible investments and have now gladly put my hard-earned money in Rio shares and a chunk of Gold.
And yet, I am back to square one of just, being...BORED.

Life is NOT this

I'm starting to really understand what life is NOT about.

It's NOT about:

• Selfish self-fullfilment: we strive to make ourselves happy by the things we want, and not necessarily with the things we need.
• Having more, having the best: when is it enough?
• Putting others down for you to rise above
• Closing your mind to variable options: disregarding opportunities
• Forgetting your responsibilities: delegating because it's too difficult, too hard
• Caring less because of what others may think
• Living vicariously through others

Fool

Jenn you're a fool, a fool who knows no better.

Wisen up -> that's an order!

Till we meet

I don't believe in random encounters.

We meet certain people in our lives for a reason, whether it be a reason to benefit us or perhaps them, there's still a reason.
And so I embark on my journey of self-exploration and realise that there are people from all walks of life who you start to mingle with: The pessimist, the go-getter, the selfish, the hopeful...and understandably, you also recognise changes in people you already know.

It made me wonder if the people you meet then influence you, perhaps mould you, into the person you are today.
One would like to think that through life experiences, lessons taught and learnt and the understanding of what's right and wrong...would ultimately define who we are. But surprisingly in most cases, that isn't so.

What continues to surprise me is when you think you've gotten to know yourself, realised who you are (who you are meant to be?)...something/someone will come along and put you off course. And hence you start the journey of self-discovery again, but only this time you know that little more of who you're not, who you'd like to be and the types of people you'd like to meet.

Perhaps in the end, who we finally meet is just...ourselves.

Trapped

And so I continue to feel pressured.

All sense of freedom is now lost and I feel somewhat "trapped".

I feel swamped in a whole array of responsibilities, pressures and commitments.

I've signed the dotted line...in unerasable stationery.

And perhaps all I need to do now is to rationally manage and handle these obstacles.

I am determined not to let these factors take control of how I want to live, the person I am aspiring to become and my overall perspective to happiness.

I can not help but think this is just the beginning of a long and cumbersome journey, however I am not afraid to face what will inevitably be...a part of growing up.

When?

When does one decide that it's time to stop being in one place and move onto the next?
When does it become ok to collect and store "those" memories?
When does it go from a moment of regret to pure satisfaction?
When will it become clear?

Settle with "Mr Good Enough"

Says Gottlieb: "Many women in their 20s or early 30s are either breaking up with really good guys, or refusing to even go on a first date with a really good guy, because there's not instant 'chemistry' or because the guy is kind (but not a mind-reader), successful (but not wealthy enough), cute (but balding), and funny (but not Jon Stewart), and they think there's someone better out there. So they pass up the 'eight' in order to hold out for the '10' - and then suddenly they're 38 or 40 and now they can only get a 'five'. The 'eight' would have been the catch. Most of us would be very happy married to the 'eight'. But we don't realise this at the time."

http://blogs.smh.com.au/lifestyle/asksam/archives/2010/02/the_case_against_settling.html

So it's come down to this...

Guy: "Hey, excuse me *tap tap*....do you prefer briefs or boxers?"
Girl: *Looks guy up & down* "Huh?"
Guy: "Briefs or boxers?"
Girl: "Err...briefs I guess...?"
Guy: *Looks down at crotch* "Must be my lucky day then!"

Girl: "Actually I'd prefer neither"
Guy: *grinz* "That could be arranged" ;)